Desperate For Change

I need to change. I have been trying to loose weight since I was 16. Yet here I am almost back to my heaviest weight. 

I am tired of feeling depressed. 

I am tired of having a low self image. 

I am tired of my clothes not fitting properly. 

I have tried SO many different things and nothing has been long lasting. Some things have worked, but nothing lasted. 

I KNOW how to loose weight. I know it takes healthy eating and exercise. My problem is making it a permanent habit. 

I always get off track. I always get stressed and stuff my face. I always find some excuse to fail. 

No more failing. 

No more excuses. 

I NEED to do this. 

My goal is to be at my ideal weight by October 20th 2013. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy.  I want to feel good about myself. I want to be healthy enough to get rid of all symptoms of PCOS so I can get pregnant naturally. 

To motivate myself I have decided to set aside a certain amount of money to spend on a new wardrobe once I meet my goal. For extra motivation, Eric will get than money to spend on whatever he wants if I don't reach that goal. He has already promised me that he wouldn't try to sabotage me. Even the thought of him spending that money if I fail makes me kinda angry. 

The sad part is that I don't know if this will be enough to keep me going. I hope it is. I don't know what else I can do to stay motivated. 

Any ideas?