Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Waiting For Change

I am tired of waiting. I feel like my life is going no where. That I am always just sitting around waiting for something to change. I feel stuck. There are so many thing I am trying to do to change it, but nothing is working. I can try to fill my life with other activities, but it still feels like I am missing something. It is just so frustrating, and I don't understand. Why does it take so long to get in for doctors appointments and testing? Don't they understand I just want to get things going? Don't they understand that I have been waiting for 2.5 years and I don't want to wait any longer?

I used to pray for patience all the time, and I know God gives you patience by giving you situations in which to practice it, but I don't want patience anymore. I feel like I have sufficient patience now. Thanks, but no thanks. I want a baby right now. Not in 9 months. Not in a year. Right now. I just cannot wait any longer. If someone called me right this second and said come pick your baby up, I would do it. I wouldn't even take the time to hang up the phone, I would be out the door. I am ready.

But obviously God disagrees with me. He does not think I am ready, He does not think I have enough patience. He does not think the time is right.

These feeling are so hard to suppress. I know it is not my time, yet I can't help this ache in my chest and these tears in my eyes. I just want it SO BAD.

God cares little about making us comfortable. There is no growth in comfort. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. I will come out of this struggle a better person. More appreciative of the blessings God has given me. There are worse things in life that could be happening to me.

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