Wednesday, November 14, 2012


I planned to post an update every week, but here I am with a  3.5 week old baby and only one post about it!

Life is so much busier than I had imagined. Having a baby is a lot of more work than I would have ever thought. Blogging is not my first choice when I have some free time.

Tallet is doing great, he is growing lots and changing almost every day. He does some big open mouthed smiles now that are super cute. Sometimes I think they are in response to me but other times I think they are a fluke.

We are cloth diapering a lot now, which is going good. Some of them seem to leak which is frustrating, but other times they don't. Still trying to figure out what works best with that.

My biggest struggle is still breastfeeding. It is extremely painful. I was in tears last night through pretty much a whole feeding. I am reading and reading and other women have this experience and they all say it goes away after a while. I am not sure how much longer I can do this for. I am taking advil and tylenol just to help reduce the pain a little bit. I dread feeding him, and I hate that I have to feel that way. It is supposed to be a bonding experience but I am just gritting my teeth and trying to make it through. I am going to see a lactation consultant tomorrow, and the doctor friday to make sure I don't have thrush. Both those appointment seem so far away and I don't know how I am going to make it to them. I want to breastfeed him SO badly because I know it is best for him and the most convenient, and the cheapest. But sometimes the idea of pumping and bottle feeding is WAY more appealing because of the pain. I guess that is a huge prayer request for me, that breastfeeding would be pain free.

I know I would be a lot less stressed out, and be able to deal with middle of the night feedings a lot easier if there was no pain.

Tallet also isn't sleeping well in his bassinet. I do not want a baby that sleeps with me, but the is the only time he gets good long sleeps. I have accidentally fallen asleep with him next to me in bed twice, and both times he slept for 5 hours at a time. It is not safe for him, and it is not great for my marriage for him to sleep with me. I wish there was some sort of alternative to the bassinet that he would be more comfortable in. Eric's cousin recommended a Rock 'n Play, but it appears they don't have those in Canada.

Tallet also is starting to sleep less and less during the day. He used to sleep for 2-3 hrs at a time in his bassinet during the day, and now it is an hour at most. I would like to get a comfortable sling so he can sleep with me, but my hands are still free to do what I want. I cannot sit around and hold him all day long for my own sanity.

I hope it doesn't seem like I am complaining, but these are my current struggles. I am so thankful to be able to experience these struggles, but it doesn't make them easier. I am afraid to talk to people about my struggles because I feel like they are just going to say "Well you wanted this for so long, so don't complain" or "Did you think it would be easy". Yes I wanted this, and no I didn't think it would be easy, but sometimes I would just like someone to be real with and to talk to. 


Stacey said...

Being a mom is hard, and it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Have you checked the Kellymom website for beast feeding concerns? Sometimes if the latch is just slightly off it can be really painful. I hope it's not thrush! Do you have a Boba wrap at all? They are so nice and comfy for the first few months. I could send mine with my I laws this weekend if you'd like to try it.

All in His Perfect Timing said...

I know what you mean about planning to post or etc and then getting sidetracked or just would rather enjoy T. :-). We understand. :).
I'm so sorry that BFing hurts so very badly. I hope a LC can help and that you don't have thrush.
I don't think you are complaining one bit about all there is and feeling a little overwhelmed at times. I have bad the same thoughts too about others thinking I've waited so long ... Now I'm ungrateful ... But you are human and are sharing your feelings, so in my book it's not a complaint at all. :)

Lindsey Dueck said...

I don't have a Boba wrap but I would LOVE to try one! It is one of the things on my wish list.

Lindsey Dueck said...

And I have been on kellymom and I am trying the things they suggest, but I dunno if it is helping

Anonymous said...

Being a mom is tough and I don't think you are complaining at all. Our second little guy was born 3 months ago and I had a similar experience breastfeeding but my pain got so bad after about day 4. I hear you when you said you were in tears, so was I. I didn't know what to do, I phoned the breastfeeding help line and the nurse suggested to take medicine as you are doing before I fed and to contact my OB. I did that and she prescribed with an All Purpose Nipple Ointment. While using that my public health nurse suggested to just pump and do bottle so my nipples could heal for 24-48 hrs. This is what we did. I pumped and did bottles for 48 hours and then went back to breastfeeding. I now breastfeed most of the time but still pump and give bottles so that I can go out and my husband can have a bonding experience feeding baby. I hope you will get this figured out soon. Just try to stay positive and hopefully it will all work out! Good Luck.

Brittney said...

Aww, don't ever feel bad about 'complaining' - motherhood is hard!! Regardless of any struggles to achieve have the perfect right to be honest about what you're going through.

I'm so sorry about the breastfeeding difficulties you're experiencing - that's so tough. I did the nipple guard and that helped quite a bit - I remember hardly any pain. And your lactation consultant will hopefully have some good tips. ((Hugs)) Hang in there! Praying for you.

And with the sleeping I think we had our son in bed with us the first three months? If he wasn't in our bed he was in our cosleeper next to our bed for the ease of breastfeeding in the night. I think this is totally normal;)

Sarah said...

Hey Lindsey - I had pain for a while too initially with breastfeeding although it sounds like you may be having more pain (do you have lanolin? I found this helped a TON, I used Lansinoh, but you do have to use those nursing pads since it can get messy). Part of it I think for me was just inevitable irritation with first-time breastfeeding but it could definitely be exacerbated by a tight latch or something, I really hope the lactation consultant can help.

I used the moby wrap a lot in the early months which takes a while to get the hang of tying but was great for wearing around the house I found.

I agree that you shouldn't feel bad at ALL about sharing the challenges of mothering - being able to share that is HUGE for emotional support and also just to be able to share the practical experiences from other people. I think there can be this idea that mothers should just be like, so in love with their babies all the time that everything is just perfect and they're never frustrated and whatever, but having struggles does not in any way mitigate your love for your baby! The newborn phase, especially the first time around I think, is a such a huge learning curve.

This is a blog of a friend of mine here who shares some of her challenges in motherhood:

Kara Lynn said...

thinking of you and praying for you!

Melissa said...

I think it helps to have someone to talk to about the tough stuff... its not complaining. feel free to call me any time :) you are doing great!

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