It's Been Two Years..

Today is kind of a bittersweet day. I made 20 stampin' up christmas cards at Bonnie's with a bunch of friends, and my favortite band, Brand New, has a new cd that came out today, both awesome things. But today is also the 2nd anniversary of Kenton's death. Eric went to his grave today, but I still can't bring myself to go there yet. I don't think I have properly delt with his death. Losing someone so close is so hard, and I just try not to think of it at all. I try not to talk about him or anything. But anytime I am looking at photo albums or anything, it all comes back and I still can't believe he is gone. It is not fair, I wish so bad I could change it. It is not fair Janie and Trent have lost so much, a husband/father and a son/brother. I still feel so much pain for Trent and I miss Kenton so much. We grew up together, he felt like a brother to me. I loved him so much and I know he knew that, but we never really had any deep conversations. I wish I could have got to know him better. Now it is too late. I am so glad a got to see him a week before his death. If I had not I don't think I could remember the last time I saw him, and I am very thankful for that. I wish I could have taken him to youth more or talked more to him about God, something. I just didn't do enough, and I regret it so much. Maybe if I had he would still be here today... I don't know, I just want it all to end and Kenton to be ack and Janie and Trent to be truly happy again and the hole in their hearts filled, and Amy to get to know her brother. Life is hard i guess.... that's why we have God. I love Him

-Lindsey