I just takes one pregnancy announcement to send me spiralling into a pit of despair.
I didn't plan to be upset about the next announcement, but I still cried myself to sleep last night.
Just when you think you are going to be ok, it all comes flooding back. The sinking feeling. The sadness. The panic. The twisted stomach. The realization that you are hopeless. The people looking at you with pity. The people fawning and talking about this baby while they forget about your pain.
It shouldn't hurt this much. I should be used to it.
In October it will officially be 4 years of waiting for us. And for them it happened "sooner than expected".
That makes me nauseous. No I am not just saying that, I actually feel ill.
How can something that is so excited for one person, be so incredibly painful for another?
Right now Eric is watching Juno, and Juno just said to the prospective adoptive mother about being pregnant "You are lucky it isn't you". You could see the pain on the infertile woman's face. I know that pain all too well.
Oh, Lord, please help me to be happy for them and to not act selfishly. And please, oh, please let the waiting list seem short for an IUI.
Update -Right after publishing this post, AF showed up. Literally 2 minutes after. YAY