Saturday, August 20, 2011

It Takes One - Updated

I guess I lied before. I didn't do it knowingly, but I lied.

I just takes one pregnancy announcement to send me spiralling into a pit of despair.

I didn't plan to be upset about the next announcement, but I still cried myself to sleep last night.

Just when you think you are going to be ok, it all comes flooding back. The sinking feeling. The sadness. The panic. The twisted stomach. The realization that you are hopeless. The people looking at you with pity. The people fawning and talking about this baby while they forget about your pain.

It shouldn't hurt this much. I should be used to it.

In October it will officially be 4 years of waiting for us. And for them it happened "sooner than expected".

That makes me nauseous. No I am not just saying that, I actually feel ill.

How can something that is so excited for one person, be so incredibly painful for another?

Right now Eric is watching Juno, and Juno just said to the prospective adoptive mother about being pregnant "You are lucky it isn't you". You could see the pain on the infertile woman's face. I know that pain all too well.

Oh, Lord, please help me to be happy for them and to not act selfishly. And please, oh, please let the waiting list seem short for an IUI.

Update -Right after publishing this post, AF showed up. Literally 2 minutes after. YAY


Jobina said...

it's ok to feel sad Lindsey. I love that you want to be happy for them though, and it'll come. God is faithful and he's with you ever single step of the way.
Praying with you...

Brittney said...

:( I'm so sorry, Lindsey. I know how you feel - I've been there and it is devastating and just sucks. Wish I could take you out for coffee or just simply come over and be with you. I know there's nothing anyone can say that'll make a difference, just know I am thinking of you and praying for you. ((Hugs to you, dear friend))

Kelsey Loewen said...

Thinking of you guys. Praying for you guys. Hoping for your little miracle to come soon!

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