Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Coming Out Of The Infertility Closet

If I want this blog to be real, I guess I have to include the whole truth about my life! I have been keeping something a secret for a long time, and I just don't have the energy to keep it any more. Eric and I have been trying to have a baby. For the last 2 1/2 years. We are struggling with infertility. It is part of who I am, so I would like to share about it.

And I know this topic is taboo. I am not going to get into all the details right now. I have a condition called PCOS, you can read more about it by clicking the link. I have seen many doctors, been to a dozens of appointments, had blood taken more times than my veins would like, had an ultrasound and a MRI, and have tried some fertility medication. So far, everything we have tried has failed.

It is incredibly heartbreaking, discouraging and depressing. It leaves me feeling helpless and hopeless. Each treatment that fails is one step closer to a reality that I may never have my own children. I am not writing this because I want people to feel sorry for me, but I would appreciate as many prayers as I can get! I have a second blog, an infertilty blog, and through it I have met an amazing community of woman. There I have found support, encouragement, and I have learnt alot. We cry together, and we rejoice together. I can relate to them, because they have been through alot of the things I have been, and more.

One friend has on her blog intro "My husband and I have been blessed with the challenge of infertility". I have really tried to see it that way, but it is hard. Most days it feels more like a curse. It is especially hard when you see a lot of people getting what you want, and taking it for granted. If I have learned anything from this, it is that I will appreciate every single part of being pregnant and having babies. I may not be a better mother than one who is fertile, but I will sure appreciate it more. I will try to focus on the positives. I know God has a plan for me, for all of this, and I am very eager to find out what that is! I mean, VERY eager.

6 comments:

Hillary said...

wow... I really appreciate your honesty Lindsey. I can't even begin to imagine what your hearts have been through in the last few years. I wish I had the "right words" to say to you, but I don't... any attempts would probably sound insincere and cliche. Just know I'll be praying!

Stacey said...

I have been praying for you guys :)

Jay Boaz said...

Good for you for being brave enough to talk about it!

kelsey loewen said...

Praying for you Lindsey! God does hear the desires of your heart, and my hope is that he answers your prayers real soon :)

Anonymous said...

Don't give up Lindsey - things will work out for you!

Connie said...

Thank you for your honesty Lins. I've told you our story before & I know each couple is unique, yet infertility is a bond we wish we didn't have to share.
Keep the faith
I often pray for you guys -- and will you some see us this fall?

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