Slob

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Today is one of those days. I sit in my house and see all the cleaning/organizing that needs to be done, and I just shut down. I cannot find the motivation to do anything. I don't even have any excuses either. Sure I work full time plus some, but I still have plenty of time available to clean. Quite honestly, I don't care if my house is messy. Sure it is nice to have a clean house, but I just don't care enough to clean it. What is the point of cleaning if it just gets messy a day later? And this is no complaint against my husband. He is pretty good at cleaning up after himself. This is all on me, I am a slob. And I don't care. Hello, my name is Lindsey Dueck and I am a slob.

Weight Lifting

My last post was difficult to write. I had been thinking of what to write for weeks. It took me all evening to figure it out. I wrote, deleted, and re wrote it over and over again. I even saved it overnight and got Eric to read it before I posted it. After all that, I was still very tempted to delete it and just forget about it. But Eric though it was a good idea, and he really wanted me to post it. And I am glad I did. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders. I am happy we don't have to keep it a secret anymore, and Eric is probably even happier!

Infertility is a hard thing to deal with in secret. It consumes a large portion of your thoughts, time, energy and prayers. Which is why I started the other blog, and it has been a huge help. But I was more than ready to share it publicly. Seemingly harmless comments like "When are you guys having kids?" or "Are you pregnant or what?" or "You guys have been married for a while, time for kids!" are quite painful when you can't. Our replies have been vague, something along the lines of "Yeah, hopefully soon." But inside, I am just wanting to scream "I cannot have babies. Thanks for reminding me."

Up until a couple months ago, I was very jealous and bitter. When I heard about pregnancies and babies, it was very hard for me to be excited for them. Not because I didn't want them to have a baby, but because with each new announcement it was like hearing "****** is pregnant, and Lindsey is not." I just thought it was not fair. But Eric reminded me that it is not their fault that I cannot have babies. They deserve to be happy and excited, just as we will be when we finally get to experience that miracle.

God has already taught me a lot through this, and I know I still have a lot left to learn. I know that God is faithful, and His timing is perfect. Everything is in His hands, and He does care about the desires of our hearts. Like I said before, I am trying to think positive. I may not have a baby, but I do have a lot of other things. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, we have jobs, we own our home, we can pay our bills, we have food to eat, animals to play with, and we are in good health. God has blessed us.

Coming Out Of The Infertility Closet

If I want this blog to be real, I guess I have to include the whole truth about my life! I have been keeping something a secret for a long time, and I just don't have the energy to keep it any more. Eric and I have been trying to have a baby. For the last 2 1/2 years. We are struggling with infertility. It is part of who I am, so I would like to share about it.

And I know this topic is taboo. I am not going to get into all the details right now. I have a condition called PCOS, you can read more about it by clicking the link. I have seen many doctors, been to a dozens of appointments, had blood taken more times than my veins would like, had an ultrasound and a MRI, and have tried some fertility medication. So far, everything we have tried has failed.

It is incredibly heartbreaking, discouraging and depressing. It leaves me feeling helpless and hopeless. Each treatment that fails is one step closer to a reality that I may never have my own children. I am not writing this because I want people to feel sorry for me, but I would appreciate as many prayers as I can get! I have a second blog, an infertilty blog, and through it I have met an amazing community of woman. There I have found support, encouragement, and I have learnt alot. We cry together, and we rejoice together. I can relate to them, because they have been through alot of the things I have been, and more.

One friend has on her blog intro "My husband and I have been blessed with the challenge of infertility". I have really tried to see it that way, but it is hard. Most days it feels more like a curse. It is especially hard when you see a lot of people getting what you want, and taking it for granted. If I have learned anything from this, it is that I will appreciate every single part of being pregnant and having babies. I may not be a better mother than one who is fertile, but I will sure appreciate it more. I will try to focus on the positives. I know God has a plan for me, for all of this, and I am very eager to find out what that is! I mean, VERY eager.

Sunny Days

I thoroughly enjoyed the warm weather this weekend! It was the youth slave auction on Saturday, so we hired a slave for half a day. We got a lot of work done outside. I used a tractor for the first time to clean up my shelter for my horses. It was so fun! I loved driving that little John Deere! I love doing work like that. I love being a farmer!

I also used a quad to drag my pasture to spread out the crap. We had a diamond harrow upside down with some rocks on it. It worked quite well, but the rocks fell off all the time. One of the rocks was quite large. I had lifted it on a few times, but the fourth time I lifted it, I decided to use my legs more. And of course I pulled a muscle in my back! Many of my plans for the day were ruined after that. Having a sore back really puts a person out. You don't realize how bad it is until it happens to you! But I still managed to enjoy being outside a bit after that. I am really h0ping that there will be many nice sunny days this summer, to make up for last!

The Cutest Ever

I know I post lots of pictures of my puppies, but this one is SO CUTE!

31 Cats

I know I keep talking about news stories, but I just can't get over the negativity of people. And how unrealistic and angry people can get.

So there is this woman with 31 cats. You can read her story here. Again, people are all fired up about this, cause the bylaw says you can have 3 cats, but she is allowed 31. All of these cats are fixed, healthy and well taken care of. Her house does not stink, nor do these animal roam around on the streets.

So why do people care if she is allowed to keep them? What do the "haters" think should be done with the extras? Do they know how hard it is to adopt out cats, which is the reason why this woman has so many? She IS trying to find homes for them! The only two options she has is keeping them, or she has them put to sleep. Do these people really think the latter is the better option?

Back off people. This woman is doing a good thing.

Let's send all this negativity toward the people who are adding to the overpopulation of cats by not getting them fixed, dumping them off like garbage, or abusing them!

I would like to write an article on how OUTRAGEOUS all these haters are being. Grow up. Let people live their own lives. Especially if it in no way affects your own.

Sponsered Wedding

The last couple of days there has been a lot of buzz about the couple from Winnipeg who are attempting to have a sponsored wedding. If you have not read the artile, here it is.

I cannot believe how worked up people are about this. They are calling them pathetic, cheap, no morals, etc. Like, are you serious people? You are probably just jealous because you didn't think of it first. I find nothing wrong with trying to have an all sponsored wedding! If you can find people to give you stuff for free, than good on you! Go for it! I don't understand why this is so pathetic?

And saying they have no morals? Are you SERIOUS? "You" don't care about being bombarded with blatant sexual images in the media all day long, but "you" have a problem with a good Christian couple just trying to get married for free? Wow. Not that it is a surprise to me, but people just don't realize how bad the world is getting.

The part of the article that got me was "The pair, both evangelical Christians, are living separately until their wedding." I wonder why they decided to include that fact? It is really such a big shock that they are not going to live together for 5 years before they get married? Like it is wrong to live separately until you are married. Little do they know how much a marriage can thrive if some things are saved for after the wedding!

What do you think? I seriously don't understand why people are so worked up about it. Why does everyone think it is so bad?

Offering

Does your church sit and sing during offering? If so, why is that? I would really prefer to stand, it makes singing and worshiping easier. When we sit down I feel like the worship time is over. Is there a good reason why we can't stand?

Some of the answers I have heard are that we sit because we have already been standing for so long or that it is easier to get your offering out of your purse if you are sitting. But if an extra 3 minutes of standing is too much to bear, than by all means, take a seat. And I would also argue that if your offering is in your pocket, it is easier to get it out if you are standing.

In the past our church has has just a piano playing during offering, so it makes sense then to sit down. But if the worship team is still up there and wanting us to sing along with them, I think that we should stay standing.

I know I could just stay standing if I wanted to. I also know there are probably bigger issues in this world to worry about. But I would just like to know the reasoning behind this!

Lent Fail

I failed lent. Not like it is a test or anything, I just failed my self. I bought tonnes of candy. And I went on Facebook on days other than Sunday, especially the last week. I pretty much gave up the last week. I didn't use my spare time to spend in with God like I wanted to. I did notice that I spend a whole lot less time on the internet in general, and got a lot more done. So that is good!

As for the candy thing, I didn't buy nearly as much as I usually do. But when I had a rough day, I would treat myself. And it makes me feel so much better. It seriously makes me calm down and feel better! I am quite sure I am additcted to sugar. Researchers recently proved that sugar and fatty foods can be just as addicting as drugs. Great. Now I need some rehab. I know I need to stop.... but I just can't....

Ummm, NO!?!?!

An old lady just walked into the clinic minutes ago. She has just lost her purse somewhere in Gimli and she had no way to get back to Winnipeg Beach. She said that her sister brings her dog to the clinic, so she was wondering if she would be able to give me an IOU for some cash so she could take a taxi home.

Seriously?

You want me to just hand you some cash that is not my own? Even though I don't know you and you have never been a client here? I mean, I feel bad that you lost your purse and all, but I don't have the authority for that.

So I just told her "Sorry, I cannot do that" and her jaw dropped in shock, "WHAT? Why not?". So I told her again "Sorry, I cannot do that" and she left, dissapointed.

Can you imagine doing that? Walking into a place you have never been a customer at and asking them to fork over some cash so you can take a taxi home? I would at least ask to use the phone and call some family or a neighbor or something. Or even get the taxi to drive me home then go inside and get the money. Something is really fishy about that story to me! What a great end to the day. I am still laughing about it! :)

Fitness

It seems fitting to start this new open and honest blog with what I have been doing in LOTS of my spare time for the last few weeks!

I wanted to keep it a secret until the end of our 90 days, but I have already told so many people! Eric and I just completed Day 43 of P90X. For those of you that have never heard of it, it is an "extreme home fitness program" as they like to say. It is definitely kicking out butts. Some days we have to force ourselves to get started, some days I look forward to it, and a few times we have talked ourselves out of doing it. We don't plan to repeat the latter to often, but sometimes we are just too tired or just run out of time in the day and we don't want to work out until 1 in the morning!

So far, I can tell Eric has real results, and he has lost some weight. But I cannot tell on myself. And I have only lost about 3 or 4 lbs. But I feel better. My shoulder doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I can push myself harder during the workouts. I am not tired during the warm up anymore.

It has been a major blessing to be able to work out together. It is way better than trying to do it on your own. I HIGHLY recommend it to everyone. Working out with a partner, especially your spouse, is awesome! We motivate each other. Sometimes one of us doesn't want to work out, but the other does. Sometimes we both don't want to, but we press play anyways because we know we will feel bad about it later.

I think working out needs to be a way of life. Not just something I do for 90 days than give up. I have found that if you make working our a priority, you will find time to do it, even without missing out on anything. The only thing I miss out on is watching TV or going on the internet, which is probably a good thing!

Which is why I am working towards becoming a fitness instructor. I would love to do TurboKick (like Turbo Jam). Jay is helping me work towards that goal! I should be able to start teaching classses by the fall! I cannot think of any better motivation than to be the instructor of a class and have to be there! And make some money while doing it!

De-Lurking Time!

I just changed my setting to allow anonymous comments again! So now it is delurking time!

SO... if you are reading this right now, please comment and say hello! I would love to know who you are! Don't be shy!

I installed one of those traffic counters a couple weeks ago, and I am suprised how much traffic I have on here! Now I would just love to know who you are!

I will have a real, honest post coming soon. I promise!