Saturday, July 02, 2011

The Opportunity

I guess enough time has passed and in all likelihood this will not be happening that I can talk openly about it.

A week ago a very good friend called me with the craziest question. There was a 2 month old baby girl that needed a home. The mother was young, and she had found an adoptive family but it didn't work out. She really wanted to choose the family herself, so her friends were helping her look for one and one of them called my friend's mom who immediately thought of us. ( I know, the friend of a friend of a friend thing is weird) They know we are struggling to conceive and they wanted to know if we wanted to adopt her.

This was right before a soccer game. I could hardly focus on the game. I wanted to say yes, but I was nervous that Eric was going to say no. Right after the game we talked and we both agreed that yes, we would pass on our contact info to the birth-mom.

And for the last week it has been a waiting game, with no phone call. I am pretty certain that if she wanted to call, she would have by now. My hopes are pretty low that this will turn into anything exciting.

It would be a lie to say that I am not disappointed. I am of course. But this kind of stuff doesn't happen to people. You don't just get a phone call from someone asking if you want a tiny baby and then it all works out. That is just way too easy. People wait years and years in this province to adopt a baby! What makes me think I could adopt one just like that without the long wait? And I am not totally crushed she didn't call because it all just seemed too good to be true. And when something seems too good to be true it usually is.

But the thing that I am still confused about is, why? Why would God present such an incredible opportunity only for it to turn out to be nothing? Wouldn't it have been better off for me to just not know about this whole situation? Don't you think it would have been easier for me to just go on living my infertile life without knowing there was a sweet baby child in need of a family?

There are just some things we are just not meant to understand in this world.

I must admit it was fun for a day or two when I thought of the possibility of being a mother. It was fun researching products I needed and dreaming of all the dresses I was going to sew her and thinking about nursery plans.

Now that I think about it, I am a little more crushed than I lead myself to believe. I AM still hoping we will get a phone call. I AM still hoping I can be a mother soon. I AM still dreaming of that sweet baby girl, whom I have never even seen! I want to be her mommy.


Jennifer said...

Oh Lindsey, I'm in tears after reading this post. I can not imagine how you must be flooded with so many different emotions. Following God's path is definitely one filled with much pain and hurt but in the end we will triumph. I have been praying for you & Eric and that God will answer your prayers & dreams about a baby.

Stacey said...

Don't give up hope Lindsey!! God is still working, and He might just be making you wait longer than you want for some reason. Wouldn't it be incredible to become a mom so quickly! I'm praying that you hear back soon.

Brittney said...

I'm so sorry, Lindsey. I wish I had the right words to say. Just know that God sees your heart and hears your every will be a Mom - and THE BEST ONE at that! - to a lucky little child/ren one day. Continuing to pray for you. Hang in there, sweet friend.((HUGS))

Jobina said...

That would be super hard! We were supposed to just be a "place of safety" for a little girl once and it fell through and I was crushed, I'm sure this is so much harder :( It's cool to know for sure now though that your hearts are so open to adoption!

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