9th Anniversary

Yesterday Tallet had his 18 month dr appt, so we headed to the city for the day. It also happened to be our 9 year wedding anniversary! 

First we saw some street canoeing:

We first went to Tal's appointment, and then did a bit of shopping. 

After that Eric announce he had a surprise for me, and took me to Woodcock's Cycle where he has purchased me this beauty: 

It is perfect! I have been dreaming of one like this for a few years, and he totally and genuinely surprised me with it! 

Tallet tried on helmets.

We went to Saffron's on Corydon for lunch. 

Then we headed to Assinaboine Park! 

Tallet loved the Nature Playground!

We did some not shopping and headed home. Love spending days with my family. 

I also miss blogging like this. Going to try to do more picture filled posts like this from the Blogger app! 

Mother of Ten

I have talked to a lot of people on the last few days and weeks about our babies in the freezer. It seems that people are not sure what to think about them. I have gotten a lot of comments along the lines of "They probably all won't take, you won't have 10 children".

It has made me think long and hard about what those babies mean to me. And maybe this is just coming from an overstimulated, super hormonal woman, but these are my feelings.

All 9 of those babies are alive. They are all humans. As a Christian, I believe life begins at conception, and these babies have lived and grown 5 days after conception before they have been cryopreserved.

It is hard to fathom that someone microscopic is alive, and just as important as any other baby.

So comments like "It is doubtful that all of them will work, anyways", are hurtful. I would never say to a pregnant woman "You could easily miscarry that baby" or "Your baby could be still born".

Are those possibilities? Of course they are. Anything could happen at any time. I fully understand that my babies might not survive the thaw, that they might not implant, that they could miscarry early. Any of those things will be considered a loss for me, and I will be devastated.

As crazy as it seems, I WANT all those babies to survive. One of the things we understood when deciding to do an IVF is that we could end up with a lot of embryos to freeze. And we decided to be commit to giving all of those embryos a chance at life. Nobody will be discarded, nobody will be forgotten about. If that means we have a large family, then we have will have a large family. Something I have always dreamed about, but never thought it could be possible with infertility. 

Recovery

Wednesday morning I woke up and felt a bit better, I thought things had finally started to turn out. But after breakfast I was feeling worse than ever. I was starting to get cramps in my diaphragm, it was very hard to breathe, I could not get comfortable. And then I had a panic attack. It was very scary when it hurts to breathe. 

Lucky for me, the panic attack pushed up my urgency, and I finally got an ultrasound and my abdomen drained in the afternoon. They drained 2.5 litters, which was apparently only half the fluid in there. 

The drain hurt much more than I thought it would, but the relief was immediate. I could finally breathe again. 

I spent a few more hours in the hospital and finally got to go home! 

Every day after that I felt better than the next, until Saturday. I got the flu. It was awful, but I was sure glad I got it when I was feeling better. Eric had gotten it the week before when I was really feeling the OHSS so I was glad I didn't get to me until later. 

Today is a week since the drain, and I feel pretty much back to normal. I know my ovaries are still pretty large, so I still have to take it easy for a while. I am kinda bummed because I was just getting back into running, and I won't be able to do that for a while. 

Thanks everyone for your support and prayers! 

IVF

Confession. The reason I wanted to blog again is to get this all off my chest. Each day I have put It off, there is more and more to say! I will try to keep it short. 

We doubled the meds for our second IUI attempt. My body overreacted, which is apparently typical of PCOS. We were given the option to cancel or switch to IVF. We chose to switch. While more expensive, it would have been our next step anyways if this IUI didn't work. 

About a week into the meds I started to feel bloated and nauseous. This past Wednesday we had our egg retrieval and they got 22 eggs. 

I felt fine right after the procedure but once the pain meds wore off I was in a lot of pain. 

Thursday we found out that 17 eggs fertilized. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable and bloated, but hopes it would go away. 

Friday I woke up feeling worse, and I had has a terrible sleep. I called the clinic in the morning to see if how I was feeling was normal and they advised I come to be seen. 

At the clinic after much waiting got an ultrasound and the doctor said I had a lot of fluid accumulating in my adbomen as a result of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS), and he wanted me to get admitted to the hospital to be drained. 

Well there was no beds available, so he advised I go home and come back in the morning. We decided to stay the night in the city so we didn't have to do so much driving. 

Saturday morning we called the clinic and were advised to go to HSC emergency to get an ultrasound and get drained. We waited there for 5 hrs only to find out I didn't have enough fluid to get drained, so we went home. I got some t3's to take home. 

Saturday we also found out that all 17 of our fertilized eggs were growin/dividing. She said 40% would turn into blastocysts they could freeze. 

Sunday I was relatively comfortable with the T3's. By Monday afternoon my bloating had gotten so bad that I was having a hard time breathing or getting comfortable in any position. I called the clinic and my doctor wanted me to get admitted to the hospital. 

So last night we packed up and I checked in. I got X-rays, bloodwork and an IV. 

Today, Tuesday, I waited for an ultrasound. And I waited. And waited. Until it was too late to get one. I am stuck here for another night, and hoping I can get an ultrasound and be drained tomorrow. 

I have gained 20 lbs of fluids since Friday. I am very uncomfortable, nauseous and I can only eat very small amounts at a time. My back is hurting whether I sit, stand or lie down from the pressure.  I cannot wait to have relief. 

On the bright side, today we heard that we had 9 embryos make it to blastocyst stage to freeze! Meaning I am now mother of 10! 

They will be transferred at a later date, one at a time. Whenever I am feeling better. It will take several months before I am back to normal. 

I hope that means that I am done with fertilty drugs forever! 

A Failure

Back in January I posted that we were going back to Heartland. 

We were surprised how fast we got in, and even more surprised how fast they got us in for a cycle. Everything seems to be going smoothly. 

At our appt. the Doc went over IUI and IVF info, and was kind of trying to steer us towards IVF. We opted for IUI because it worked on the first try last time, surely it would work like that again. 

Well, not so much. I did about 13 days of injects, wasted 1000's of dollars and our cycle got cancelled. My body didn't respond to the meds at all. For Tallet I had 3 follicles that grew, this time I had nothing. 

We were fairly laid back about this cycle, assuming it would work but knowing in the back of our minds that we got incredibly lucky the first time. 

I was crushed. It was so much harder than I expected to have a failure. It is unreal how all the old feelings crop back up again. Infertility sucks, and the suckyness doesn't go away after you have one babe. 

This will be a struggle for the rest of our family growing years, and that is hard to accept. Friends around me continue to get pregnant with the greatest of ease. I thought it would be easier to deal with once I had a child of my own. But it isn't. 

I'm Alive

I am still around. Everyone once and a while I come back to this lonely blog and think that I need to start blogging again, but I have never gotten around to it!

Things have been busy around here with photography, an online fabric shop and a sewing business, PLUS raising a toddler! So blogging has not been #1.

But I do miss it, and I said I was going to come back.

Soon.

I promise. 

Free Zin Frame!

To celebrate 500 likes on our Linen & Lace Photography FB page, we are giving away a 4x6 Zin Frame to one lucky follower!

To enter, visit our Facebook Page for details!

Good Luck! 

So Close

The cravings hit bad today. I just wanted a moist cupcake with a mountain of icing. Or a chocolate chip cookie, or twelve, fresh out of the oven. I tried to curb the cravings with skinny chocolate, almonds, an apple and drinking copious amounts of water.  But nothing was successful. 

Then I saw it.

A full bag of chipits.

I started convincing myself it was ok to eat them. 

No one would find out. 

I wouldn't have to tell anyone. 

I could lie. 

I prayed. I wrestled with my thoughts. I asked Eric, and then argued when he said no. 

But now I am lying in bed and the bag of chipits lies unopened on the shelf. 

I would consider today a win. 

One Week Down

I have officially made it through a full week of my No Sugar New Year. I will be honest, it has been pretty easy so far. The hardest thing I have done so far is to go into the bakery for some kuba dogs. The smell of the sweet treats triggered major cravings. Luckily my husband was there to say no. I have also had one really bad candy craving, but thats about it! My hopes are high and I have lasted longer than I predicted so far! Only 51 more weeks to go.

Actually, I have the rest of my life to go. Once the new year comes I will probably add in honey, but I still want to avoid sugar for the most part. Diabetes runs in my family, and with PCOS I can't afford to have sugar be a regular part of my life. I will probably have it on special occasions.

Something that has helped my sugar avoidance was my new oral appliances for my TMJ problems. I am supposed to eat with them in, but it is difficult. And taking it out makes my jaw ache, so it is WAY easier to say no to snacking now.

I also haven't been feeling great. Since weaning Tallet in Mid-November Aunt Flo has been here to visit. I am feeling pretty tired these days. I got some bloodwork done, so hopefully they can figure something out and stop this. I also have an appointment at Heartland on the 27th. Hoping to figure out a plan for baby #2! 

No Sugar New Year

Has it really been almost 3 months since my last post? Yikes, talk about quiet. In my defence I have been quite the busy lady getting ready for the craft sale season and such, I didn't have much time for extras like blogging.

In fact I have many other things I could be doing now while Tallet naps, but I wanted to share about my new challenge I have given myself.

I have declared 2014 my No-Sugar New Year. I have challenged myself to go without sugar for the entire year. Today is Day 4 and so far so good.

I am looking to my Trim Healthy Mama book a lot. I am not going completely back on plan just yet, but they have a lot of great sugar free recipes. Yesterday I made a chocolate nut slab, fudge and tummy tucking ice cream, all of which are amazing. With recipes like that, it will be easy to stick to this.

My biggest challenge however will not be at home, it will be when we are at others people's places and they serve treats. It will be hard to say no. But as long as I know I have yummy chocolate fudge waiting for me in the freezer, I should be good.

Eventually, I would like to go fully back on the THM plan, but I need to take baby steps. Every time I start something new I go all-in, and I never stick to it. I want to make one small change at a time, and hopefully it will stick for life. If all I do for this entire year is give up sugar, then so be it. There is always next year to make another change. I have been dieting on and off for 12 years. If I make 1 small positive change for the next 12 years and actually stick to them, I will be way further ahead then trying to make a enormous life change all at once.

I am hoping to blog a bit more as well. Even thought I am sure the few readers I did have long since abandoned this page. At least it will be here for me to read back on one day!

Happy New Year Everyone! 

Thanksgiving At Matheson Island - A B&W Project

You could say I am a B&W hater. Something that always bugs me is when people switch their photos to monochrome and call it professional. While monochrome can save some images with terrible white balance, it isn't a single defining thing to make a picture great. 

I rarely use black and white, so this weekend I attemped to take some photos with monochrome in mind. It was a fun challenge, and I am happy with the result. B&W is growing on me, but I still love my color better. I am a colorful person. 

THM Thanksgiving

Starting a diet right before Thanksgiving might seem like a bad idea. And you are right, it is a terrible idea.

Thankfully, this is not another fad diet. It is a lifestyle change that doesn't involve counting points, tracking calories, weight or measuring food (other than for recipes of course). This is a way of eating I want to make permanent.

That being said, when Eric and I were talking about changing to this lifestyle we agreed on two exceptions, when we go to people's houses and holidays/birthdays. In our own home, we will follow the THM lifestyle because we can control what we make and buy. We don't want to impose our diet (noun) on other people. We may choose to have a smaller serving of carbs and a larger serving of veggies in the meal permits, but we are not going to refuse to eat. We don't want to turn down hospitality.

And for holidays we are not going to pass on the turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy. We are not going to pass on the cookies at Christmas, or some chocolate during Easter. Moderation is the key, and if we have these things occasionally it is not going to be a set back. In fact, it may just make it easier to find success. Nothing is harder when trying to diet (verb) and people all around you are indulging in delicious food and you can't.

I also forgot the mention in my first post is that the ladies that wrote the book are Christian stay at home mom's. I love the fact that God was involved in the writing of this book. 

Trim Healthy Mama: Day One

Flashback to several months ago. I was on my way to do a Steeped Tea party in Okno, rather upset about the fact that I feel like I have tried every diet in the book and nothing has ever given me permanent results. I prayed to God for an answer, some direction, some hope.

At my tea party I was telling the hostess about how I wanted to learn to eat in a more healthy and natural way. She asked me if I have ever read Trim Healthy Mama. I said no, and her and her guests were shocked! Everyone they know has read it. One of the ladies had a few books for sale for $40, so I bought it off her and picked it up a few weeks later .

It took me a few weeks and another tea party later to finally read the book. I loved it. Immediately ordered tonnes of the specialty ingredients and starting making recipes from the book. Most of them were delcicous. I ate from the plan for 2-3 weeks pretty strictly. I lost 6 lbs and Eric lost 7 or 8, (it kills me cause he didn't stick to the plan as closely as I did).

Enter summer vacations and cooking at camp for a week, and I was completely off track. I struggled to get back on for weeks, always saying I would start Monday, and by midday I was stuffing my face with candy or having a hardcore chocolate craving.

This past Tuesday I weighed myself to find, not to my surprise that I had gained all my weight back, and then some. It was time to try again.

Yesterday completed a whole day, I ate food I enjoyed, I didn't crave anything and I wasn't hungry.

This is what I had yesterday:

Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs with cheese, 2 slices chicken bacon and a glass of chocolate almond milk.
Lunch: Asian Salad with Sweet Chilli Thai chicken
Snack - Some cheese and a few almonds
Supper - Pizza on Joseph's Lavash Bread (Very low carb flatbread that I bough online at http://www.lowcarbcanada.ca )
Dessert: Secret Agent Brownies with Icing. I made the brownies with Chana dahl beans.

On the menu today:

Breakfast: Sweet Cinnamon Quinoa, 2 slices chicken bacon and 1/2 Banana
Lunch: Tomato soup with 4 slices Little Big Bread (it's sprouted bread, I get it from Costco for 5.99 for 2 loaves. It is the best bread I have ever had, I would eat it even if I wasn't on plan)
Supper: Ground beef tacos with Josephs low carb Tortilla's (also from http://www.lowcarbcanada.ca)
Dessert - Brownies from last night. They are even better the next day.


The basis of the plan is not eating fats and carbs at the same time, and you have protein with every meal. The plan is divided between two main types of meals, S - Satisfying and E- Energizing. They focus on only having one fuel source at a time. Fat being one fuel source, carbs being the other.

S meals are your fat based meals, they have generous amounts of healthy fats - butter, olive oil, coconut oil, red meats, nuts, etc. They must not contain more that 15 grams of carbs.

E meals are the carb bases meals, but they are supposed to be good carbs. Ones that have a low glycemic index which do not spike your blood sugar. You are still supposed to try to keep the carbs under 45 grams for these meals, and fat no more that 5 grams (1 teaspoon)

There is also Fuel pull meals, which have protein but less than 5 grams of fat and 15 grams of carbs. These meals help to speed up weight loss.

There are Crossover meals as well, meals that have over 5 grams of fat and over 15 grams of carbs, these are meals that will help maintain weight. If you are trying to loose weight, you should have very little crossovers.

Basically, you switch between S and E meals, with at least 3 hours in between types of meals. You can have 3 S meals in a row or whatever you want, but you always are supposed to wait 3 hours between types of meals. Fuel pull meals and snack you can have at any time, because they don't have any major fuel source.  Yesterday, all I ate was S meals because it was easier not to switch. Today breakfast and lunch are E's (the soup is a fuel pull, but with the bread added in it is an E) and supper/dessert is an S.

I find it much easier to make and enjoy S meals. I struggled to find tasty and enjoyable E meals, so I end up eating more S' than E's. Which is ok, they say to have at least 2-3 E meals a week.

This has turned into a very long post, and it is time for me to make lunch! One reason I wanted to start blogging again was so I could share my everyday struggles with this. I am hoping it will help me stick to it in some way or another.

First Day Of Daycare

Tallet went to daycare for the first time today! I want him to get some socialization, and it also gives me a chance to get some stuff done at home. I will probably take him once every two weeks, possibly once a week. We will see how things go. 

His first day went really well as far as I know. He didn't cry when I dropped him off, and he was happily playing outside when I came to pick him up! The girls said he was super happy all day, napped well and barely cried. 

I wanted to get a bunch of my house cleaned, make and can pasta sauce and make some bibs. I got half my house cleaned and pasta sauce canned, but that's it. Honestly it feels like I got nothing done even though I was worked all day. Sometimes it is depressing to know that the housework is never ending. I cleaned the kitchen all morning and afternoon, and now due to supper and backing bean brownies, it is filthy again and I am wiped. I guess I also did some laundry, sorted and washed Tallet's baby toys and packed them away, and swept the floor. And I showered. Always nice to get a shower in now and then. ;)  

So even though I didn't get as much done as I would like, it was nice to be able to focus on those things. When I am cooking/cleaning/crafting when Tallet is home, I always feel guilty for not spending all that time with him. This way he gets attention all day and I get stuff done. 

Back In The Saddle

I did say I wanted to start blogging again, so I figured I should start with short update!

I am officially jobless. My mat leave is up and I am not going back to work. It is a dream come true to be able to stay home with Tallet. Although that makes our income the lowest it has been since we were in college, and our bills the highest. It is quite hard to adjust your lifestyle from what you are used to. 

I definitely feel the pressure to contribute, so in my spare time I have been doing photography and sewing. It makes me feel very overwhelmed at times. I can't be a mother, work/craft/edit pics and have a clean house and be a good housewife. So I usually have to choose between the latter two. I make stuff and have a messy house. I clean the house and nothing gets made. I can't have both. 

Tallet is going to daycare for the very first time tomorrow! He will get some much needed socialization, and I will get some much needed time at home to catch up. I plan on doing some crafting, cleaning and making pasta sauce. 

I am thinking I will take him once every two weeks. I do have family that could take him for the day, but I really think it will be good for him to be around other kids a bit more. He loves other kids! 

That's it for now, I would like to post more in depth about my work projects next! 

Linen & Lace Giveaway!

As you may or may not know, I have started a photography business with my wonderful sis-in-law Alyssa! We are hosting our very first giveaway, so please enter and share it with your friends!!

We are giving away our Linen package which includes 25 high resolution images on a disc and a 1 hour session, for up to 8 people. This is worth $125 plus tax. Your session must be booked and held by October 31st, 2013. You must be located in the Winnipeg or Interlake Area, travel fee may apply. If you would like to upgrade to another package, you may pay the difference.

To enter, please use the Rafflecopter below! Giveaway ends September 14th @ 12 AM Eastern Time.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Abandoned

This poor abandoned blog! I think it's time to revive it a little bit, but not today. For now here is a picture of the cutest kid on earth.

First 5K Run! Color Me Rad

This morning Eric and I and his siblings/inlaws ran in the Color Me Rad 5K!

It was a great time. We got there an hour after our wave started because traffic was bad, but it didn't really matter when you ran. Nobody checked or anything! 

I can't wait for next year!

Fleece DIaper Cover

This is a quick and easy project! I have now made Tallet 8 of these covers, 4 of each Medium and Large. They are fleece diaper covers for my fitted diapers for nighttime. They are super breathable but still water resistant.

I also have some available in my etsy shop!

Happy Canada Day!

I have backed out of doing Partylite for the most part, but this sale was too good not to offer people!

Shop online at www.partylite.biz/lindseydueck . Shipping to anywhere in Canada.