So tonight is the New Years Eve party, and as it gets closer I get less and less excited about it. I am just thinking of all the clean up and stuff I will have to do during and after and it is a little overwhelming.
Right now I have so many emotions running through me. I don't know what to think. I have no idea how people in the community percieve me. Do they think I am a bad person? A bad Christian? I don't know. There are just so many things confusing me right now. I just want someone to talk to, to let it all out with no judgement. But I have no one. I have Eric, but he is not who I need to talk to about this. I need a best friend, a girl friend. I hardly have any friends, and I guess it is my own fault, it just seems that I always push people away and don't know how to let them be close. Honestly, most of the time I just want to stay at home and be with Eric, or even alone. There is just not alot of times I feel like going out anywhere. If it weren't for Eric I would be a hermit. Just me and my animals. But I really don't want to be like that. I want to want to feel like going out and spend time with friends and everything. I feel so lost and confused and sometimes even a little lonely. Maybe 2007 will be better...
2 comments:
lindsey... let's talk, let's make some tea or coffee or juice or water and talk about life, about the stuff that matters... i think mark would call it having a soul talk, something i continuously crave more of...
and honey, you DO have friends, even when we don't keep in touch and/or hang out as much as we could and/or should... like i said in a comment about a wk or so ago, i'm often also in need of someone to talk to and spend time w/. unfortunately our schedules are often very different, but let's make it work...
i'll be back in mennville again starting on tuesday or wednesday. i've LOVED being in teulon and espeically seeing my sister (she flies out tomorrow, but it's starting to feel like it's been too long. i'm ready to go home. so it'll be the reimer gatheirng tomorrow and work at daycare the next day and then home either that nite or the next day
i love you bonesaw,
always,
dayna
I remember that same feeling Lindsey. When we moved to Mennville we were only 6 months into our marriage, I knew no one and the only people even close to our age were Karl and Lori who were pregnant with Ainsley! I would just cry cause I felt so alone. I remember though, Jolene used to want to get together with me and I put her off a lot cause she was 6 years older and had 2 kids already. Now I wish I had taken for time to hang out with her. She's a great, deep person and NOW when we go to Mennville, their house is ALWAYS one I stop at! I hope that God puts someone in YOUR path and gives you the courage to let your guard down a bit. How was New Year's?
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