I have debated for a long time over whether to go into detail about some of our fertility treatments and stuff, and I decided now I will. Perhaps it will add some interest to this blog. So to get you up to speed, it has been over 2.5 years of trying, I have had tonnes of blood tests, an ultrasound, a MRI, I am currently on a daily medication/vitamin schedule to help control the PCOS, and we have tried 4 unsuccessful rounds of a fertility drug called clomiphene (Clomid).
Today I was scheduled for a hysterosalpingogram, which is sort of an video xray to see if my fallopian tubes are open. I was waiting for the appointement for a long time, and really looking forward to getting it over with so we can move on with other fertility treatments. I gowned up (YAY) and went into the xray room. They started asking a bunch of questions, and then realized it was too late in my cycle, and they don't normally do them that late.
The doctor came in to talk to me, I tried to convice her to still do it, but she said we would have to reschedule. Like a baby, I immediately burst into tears. I felt so dumb, but I just couldn't help it. It was just so disappointing. I am just sick of waiting for appointments. Because I was so upset, they scheduled me in for another appointment in two weeks. I am sure I made it really awkward for all of them, and I don't really want to go back there cause I feel so dumb. I hope it is different people....
It also hurts extra cause this is not the first time I have left an appointment in the city empty handed. A couple months ago I had an appointment with my ob/gyn but she had to rush out for a procedure and they had to reschedule. Which means I had to take another day off work and I wasted that trip into the city. Same with this, I took a day off work for nothing, and now I have to take another one off. Having a baby is NOT supposed to be this complicated, people!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Wedding Rings
I haven't worn my wedding rings in weeks. Truth is that I was not really sure where they were. I thought for sure they were somewhere in my house. This past Saturday was the first real time Eric and I had looked for them. We didn't find them, but I wasn't too worried, I figured I would find them when I cleaned the house. Saturday and yesterday I prayed that I would find them. They have probably been missing for two months or so.
Today a co-worker, Coralee, walked up to me with a ring in her hand and asked if it was mine. Sure enough, it was my wedding band. She had just found it in the rubber door liner of our front loading washing machine! I had no idea they were even at work! I must have forgotten them in a scrub top pocket and they went through the machine. My engagement ring, however, was not in the liner. Nor was it under the machine or anywhere in the laundry room.
It just so happens that our washing machine had not been working great for the past couple days, so today the repairmen came to fix it. I told them that my wedding ring was possibly lost in the machine. He thought it was probabl y in the pump. I asked if my ring could be causing the problems, and he said no. He asked how badly I wanted my ring back, and I asked him how easy the pump was to get into. He said easy, so I said I wanted him to check for it. After all, it is worth more than the washing machine itself!
I thought he would come tell me right away when he found the ring, but when I went in to check on him, he was all done fixing it and I didn't think he had found it. Until he held it up and asked me if I wanted it back! OF COURSE I wanted to back! It was pretty dirty, and a bit tarnished! But I am just so thankful!
Now, I am amazed at the way God orchestrates things:
-had Coralee not found the first ring, I would never have known they were lost at work.
-had both rings been in the pump, I would NEVER EVER have found them.
-had our washing maching not been broken, the repairman would never have been there to retrieve my ring from the pump, nor would I have known it could even get into the pump.
Eric is now saying that we are getting them recoated with rodium so I don't have allergic reactions to them, and then I am never allowed to take them off. And he wants to buy me a chain to wear them around my neck if I ever need to take them off. This is not the first time I lost them. The first time I lost them in the turkey barn and Terry found them with a metal detector. I was lucky a turkey didn't eat them!
Thanks God, for caring about every little detail of our lives.
Today a co-worker, Coralee, walked up to me with a ring in her hand and asked if it was mine. Sure enough, it was my wedding band. She had just found it in the rubber door liner of our front loading washing machine! I had no idea they were even at work! I must have forgotten them in a scrub top pocket and they went through the machine. My engagement ring, however, was not in the liner. Nor was it under the machine or anywhere in the laundry room.
It just so happens that our washing machine had not been working great for the past couple days, so today the repairmen came to fix it. I told them that my wedding ring was possibly lost in the machine. He thought it was probabl y in the pump. I asked if my ring could be causing the problems, and he said no. He asked how badly I wanted my ring back, and I asked him how easy the pump was to get into. He said easy, so I said I wanted him to check for it. After all, it is worth more than the washing machine itself!
I thought he would come tell me right away when he found the ring, but when I went in to check on him, he was all done fixing it and I didn't think he had found it. Until he held it up and asked me if I wanted it back! OF COURSE I wanted to back! It was pretty dirty, and a bit tarnished! But I am just so thankful!
Now, I am amazed at the way God orchestrates things:
-had Coralee not found the first ring, I would never have known they were lost at work.
-had both rings been in the pump, I would NEVER EVER have found them.
-had our washing maching not been broken, the repairman would never have been there to retrieve my ring from the pump, nor would I have known it could even get into the pump.
Eric is now saying that we are getting them recoated with rodium so I don't have allergic reactions to them, and then I am never allowed to take them off. And he wants to buy me a chain to wear them around my neck if I ever need to take them off. This is not the first time I lost them. The first time I lost them in the turkey barn and Terry found them with a metal detector. I was lucky a turkey didn't eat them!
Thanks God, for caring about every little detail of our lives.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Going Down!!!
We fell off the P90X wagon. We were going strong for a long time, but for the last three weeks or so it has been pretty slack! But tonight we got back on. Travis wanted to try it out, so we went to the gym in town to do it. And we feel great! I am glad to get back into it!
Thankfully, God allowed me to continue to loose weight during my off times. I went shopping on Saturday, and realize that XL shirts are now a thing of the past for me and size 14 pants are in! I can't even remember the last time I could even pull a size 14 on my body, and now it fits great. My goal is to be a medium/size 8. I think that is a decent goal. But I really have no idea cause I have never been that size. The size doesn't matter THAT much. I just want to be fit and healthy! That would make me the happiest.
Motivation is the hardest part. Once you stop working out for a few days, it is really hard to get back into it!
I did my fitness theory exam a couple weeks back, I am still waiting for the mark for that. I thought it was pretty easy, but you never know. I could have bombed it. I hope not. I am excited to get more into the fitness world!
Thankfully, God allowed me to continue to loose weight during my off times. I went shopping on Saturday, and realize that XL shirts are now a thing of the past for me and size 14 pants are in! I can't even remember the last time I could even pull a size 14 on my body, and now it fits great. My goal is to be a medium/size 8. I think that is a decent goal. But I really have no idea cause I have never been that size. The size doesn't matter THAT much. I just want to be fit and healthy! That would make me the happiest.
Motivation is the hardest part. Once you stop working out for a few days, it is really hard to get back into it!
I did my fitness theory exam a couple weeks back, I am still waiting for the mark for that. I thought it was pretty easy, but you never know. I could have bombed it. I hope not. I am excited to get more into the fitness world!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Bored and Lazy
A neat survey I found on a blog I read. Feel free to do it as well!
1. Started your own blog – A few of them
2. Slept under the stars - In the winter time... YUCK!
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity - only once, and we had to really pinch pennies for a few weeks because I didn't thin
7. Been to DisneyWorld
8. Climbed a mountain - in Switzerland!
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris - one of my favorite places ever! Hence my dogs name!
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - Knitting and sewing!
15. Adopted a child - I wish!
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables - but not very well!
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France - twice!
20. Slept on an overnight train - on many occasions!
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch-hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - I did this alot at a job I hated when I was younger.
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset - many beautiful ones!
31. Hit a home run - obviously you have never seen me play baseball
32. Been on a cruise - does a ferry from Greece to Italy count? Or a ferry to the Greek Islands?
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person - GORGEOUS!
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person - twice, and never again please...
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant -
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted - Do those caricatures they paint at Valleyfair count?
48. Gone deep sea fishing
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - twice! I love the Eiffel tower!
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie - does the ones you make in school count?
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business - I sell Partylite and Lia Sophia, so that counts!
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp - two of them, a very humbling experience
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt - many of them
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican - twice!
82. Bought a brand new car - it just turned 100,000 :( , but I LOVE having a brand new car!
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life- Does an animal count?
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby - NO :(
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake -
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone - I have owned and DO own one!
99. Been stung by a bee
1. Started your own blog – A few of them
2. Slept under the stars - In the winter time... YUCK!
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity - only once, and we had to really pinch pennies for a few weeks because I didn't thin
7. Been to DisneyWorld
8. Climbed a mountain - in Switzerland!
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris - one of my favorite places ever! Hence my dogs name!
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - Knitting and sewing!
15. Adopted a child - I wish!
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables - but not very well!
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France - twice!
20. Slept on an overnight train - on many occasions!
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch-hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - I did this alot at a job I hated when I was younger.
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset - many beautiful ones!
31. Hit a home run - obviously you have never seen me play baseball
32. Been on a cruise - does a ferry from Greece to Italy count? Or a ferry to the Greek Islands?
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person - GORGEOUS!
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person - twice, and never again please...
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant -
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted - Do those caricatures they paint at Valleyfair count?
48. Gone deep sea fishing
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - twice! I love the Eiffel tower!
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie - does the ones you make in school count?
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business - I sell Partylite and Lia Sophia, so that counts!
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp - two of them, a very humbling experience
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt - many of them
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican - twice!
82. Bought a brand new car - it just turned 100,000 :( , but I LOVE having a brand new car!
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life- Does an animal count?
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby - NO :(
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake -
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone - I have owned and DO own one!
99. Been stung by a bee
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Waiting For Change
I am tired of waiting. I feel like my life is going no where. That I am always just sitting around waiting for something to change. I feel stuck. There are so many thing I am trying to do to change it, but nothing is working. I can try to fill my life with other activities, but it still feels like I am missing something. It is just so frustrating, and I don't understand. Why does it take so long to get in for doctors appointments and testing? Don't they understand I just want to get things going? Don't they understand that I have been waiting for 2.5 years and I don't want to wait any longer?
I used to pray for patience all the time, and I know God gives you patience by giving you situations in which to practice it, but I don't want patience anymore. I feel like I have sufficient patience now. Thanks, but no thanks. I want a baby right now. Not in 9 months. Not in a year. Right now. I just cannot wait any longer. If someone called me right this second and said come pick your baby up, I would do it. I wouldn't even take the time to hang up the phone, I would be out the door. I am ready.
But obviously God disagrees with me. He does not think I am ready, He does not think I have enough patience. He does not think the time is right.
These feeling are so hard to suppress. I know it is not my time, yet I can't help this ache in my chest and these tears in my eyes. I just want it SO BAD.
God cares little about making us comfortable. There is no growth in comfort. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. I will come out of this struggle a better person. More appreciative of the blessings God has given me. There are worse things in life that could be happening to me.
I used to pray for patience all the time, and I know God gives you patience by giving you situations in which to practice it, but I don't want patience anymore. I feel like I have sufficient patience now. Thanks, but no thanks. I want a baby right now. Not in 9 months. Not in a year. Right now. I just cannot wait any longer. If someone called me right this second and said come pick your baby up, I would do it. I wouldn't even take the time to hang up the phone, I would be out the door. I am ready.
But obviously God disagrees with me. He does not think I am ready, He does not think I have enough patience. He does not think the time is right.
These feeling are so hard to suppress. I know it is not my time, yet I can't help this ache in my chest and these tears in my eyes. I just want it SO BAD.
God cares little about making us comfortable. There is no growth in comfort. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. I will come out of this struggle a better person. More appreciative of the blessings God has given me. There are worse things in life that could be happening to me.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Anger
I really don't think it is a secret that I struggle with anger. I am a passionate person, and sometimes I feel like my feelings are amplified because of that. But I have been learning alot about anger lately.
I think we live in a world that loves to blame it's problems on other people. Everything is always someone else's fault, and you never have to take responsibility for your actions. Well, I believe that is wrong. I see far too many children being raised in this mentality. It just kills me.
I think this verse is a great reminder:
- Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.
I think we live in a world that loves to blame it's problems on other people. Everything is always someone else's fault, and you never have to take responsibility for your actions. Well, I believe that is wrong. I see far too many children being raised in this mentality. It just kills me.
I think this verse is a great reminder:
- Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
The Church
Something I heard alot about at YC was the purpose of the church. What do you think is the purpose of the church? What is the church? This is what I learned last weekend.
The church is not the building that we gather in every Sunday, but the body, the people. If the building burnt to the ground, we would still be a church.
The church exists to equip it's members to go out and benefit the world! I think that far too often we think that the church exists solely to benefit it's members. We have lots of church potlucks, church picnics, church bible studies and care groups, etc. We spend a lot of time building relationships within the church, and little time building relationships outside of the church.
That being said, if what your church is doing is not working, it needs to be changed. If your church is not growing, there is a problem. And growth does not include having children or believers that move into your area. It means that you are getting out there and sharing the love of Jesus, and new people are coming to Christ. If what you have been doing for the last 52 Sundays have not worked, what makes you think doing the exact same thing next Sunday will?
Question everything. Why do we do the things we do each and every Sunday? If you don't like something in your church, if you do not think it is working, do not just leave the church and go to a new one. Change it! I can really relate to that. Sometimes it just seems easier to leave, or stop going. But I don't think that is the right thing to do.
The weekend really challenged me!
The church is not the building that we gather in every Sunday, but the body, the people. If the building burnt to the ground, we would still be a church.
The church exists to equip it's members to go out and benefit the world! I think that far too often we think that the church exists solely to benefit it's members. We have lots of church potlucks, church picnics, church bible studies and care groups, etc. We spend a lot of time building relationships within the church, and little time building relationships outside of the church.
That being said, if what your church is doing is not working, it needs to be changed. If your church is not growing, there is a problem. And growth does not include having children or believers that move into your area. It means that you are getting out there and sharing the love of Jesus, and new people are coming to Christ. If what you have been doing for the last 52 Sundays have not worked, what makes you think doing the exact same thing next Sunday will?
Question everything. Why do we do the things we do each and every Sunday? If you don't like something in your church, if you do not think it is working, do not just leave the church and go to a new one. Change it! I can really relate to that. Sometimes it just seems easier to leave, or stop going. But I don't think that is the right thing to do.
The weekend really challenged me!
Monday, May 03, 2010
Audacious
This past weekend we took our youth to YC Manitoba at Church of the Rock. We have never been before, so we really didn't have any expectations. We had a great weekend. The conference was amazing. There was great speakers and good music. All the youth, the girls at least, seemed to really enjoy everything.
Now the challenge is to take the things we learned on the weekend, and put it into practice in our lives. That is always the hardest part. But with God, all things are possible, right?
While all the speakers were great, I went to a few workshops with Brett Ullman, and I think he was my favorite. His views are very similar to mine, and he tells it like it is without beating around the bush, which is also like me. I would love to get him out to the Interlake to do some of his talks. Especially the one on media.
I will probably share some things I learned on the weekend over my next couple posts!
I also attended Soul Sanctuary on Sunday morning with two of my youth girls. I really liked it, the worship team was great, they had a coffee/juice break in the middle of the service, and they had super comfy chairs! It was a guest speaker though, who was good, but I would have really liked to hear their pastor. I guess I will just have to go back!
Now the challenge is to take the things we learned on the weekend, and put it into practice in our lives. That is always the hardest part. But with God, all things are possible, right?
While all the speakers were great, I went to a few workshops with Brett Ullman, and I think he was my favorite. His views are very similar to mine, and he tells it like it is without beating around the bush, which is also like me. I would love to get him out to the Interlake to do some of his talks. Especially the one on media.
I will probably share some things I learned on the weekend over my next couple posts!
I also attended Soul Sanctuary on Sunday morning with two of my youth girls. I really liked it, the worship team was great, they had a coffee/juice break in the middle of the service, and they had super comfy chairs! It was a guest speaker though, who was good, but I would have really liked to hear their pastor. I guess I will just have to go back!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Slob
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Today is one of those days. I sit in my house and see all the cleaning/organizing that needs to be done, and I just shut down. I cannot find the motivation to do anything. I don't even have any excuses either. Sure I work full time plus some, but I still have plenty of time available to clean. Quite honestly, I don't care if my house is messy. Sure it is nice to have a clean house, but I just don't care enough to clean it. What is the point of cleaning if it just gets messy a day later? And this is no complaint against my husband. He is pretty good at cleaning up after himself. This is all on me, I am a slob. And I don't care. Hello, my name is Lindsey Dueck and I am a slob.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Weight Lifting
My last post was difficult to write. I had been thinking of what to write for weeks. It took me all evening to figure it out. I wrote, deleted, and re wrote it over and over again. I even saved it overnight and got Eric to read it before I posted it. After all that, I was still very tempted to delete it and just forget about it. But Eric though it was a good idea, and he really wanted me to post it. And I am glad I did. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders. I am happy we don't have to keep it a secret anymore, and Eric is probably even happier!
Infertility is a hard thing to deal with in secret. It consumes a large portion of your thoughts, time, energy and prayers. Which is why I started the other blog, and it has been a huge help. But I was more than ready to share it publicly. Seemingly harmless comments like "When are you guys having kids?" or "Are you pregnant or what?" or "You guys have been married for a while, time for kids!" are quite painful when you can't. Our replies have been vague, something along the lines of "Yeah, hopefully soon." But inside, I am just wanting to scream "I cannot have babies. Thanks for reminding me."
Up until a couple months ago, I was very jealous and bitter. When I heard about pregnancies and babies, it was very hard for me to be excited for them. Not because I didn't want them to have a baby, but because with each new announcement it was like hearing "****** is pregnant, and Lindsey is not." I just thought it was not fair. But Eric reminded me that it is not their fault that I cannot have babies. They deserve to be happy and excited, just as we will be when we finally get to experience that miracle.
God has already taught me a lot through this, and I know I still have a lot left to learn. I know that God is faithful, and His timing is perfect. Everything is in His hands, and He does care about the desires of our hearts. Like I said before, I am trying to think positive. I may not have a baby, but I do have a lot of other things. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, we have jobs, we own our home, we can pay our bills, we have food to eat, animals to play with, and we are in good health. God has blessed us.
Infertility is a hard thing to deal with in secret. It consumes a large portion of your thoughts, time, energy and prayers. Which is why I started the other blog, and it has been a huge help. But I was more than ready to share it publicly. Seemingly harmless comments like "When are you guys having kids?" or "Are you pregnant or what?" or "You guys have been married for a while, time for kids!" are quite painful when you can't. Our replies have been vague, something along the lines of "Yeah, hopefully soon." But inside, I am just wanting to scream "I cannot have babies. Thanks for reminding me."
Up until a couple months ago, I was very jealous and bitter. When I heard about pregnancies and babies, it was very hard for me to be excited for them. Not because I didn't want them to have a baby, but because with each new announcement it was like hearing "****** is pregnant, and Lindsey is not." I just thought it was not fair. But Eric reminded me that it is not their fault that I cannot have babies. They deserve to be happy and excited, just as we will be when we finally get to experience that miracle.
God has already taught me a lot through this, and I know I still have a lot left to learn. I know that God is faithful, and His timing is perfect. Everything is in His hands, and He does care about the desires of our hearts. Like I said before, I am trying to think positive. I may not have a baby, but I do have a lot of other things. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, we have jobs, we own our home, we can pay our bills, we have food to eat, animals to play with, and we are in good health. God has blessed us.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Coming Out Of The Infertility Closet
If I want this blog to be real, I guess I have to include the whole truth about my life! I have been keeping something a secret for a long time, and I just don't have the energy to keep it any more. Eric and I have been trying to have a baby. For the last 2 1/2 years. We are struggling with infertility. It is part of who I am, so I would like to share about it.
And I know this topic is taboo. I am not going to get into all the details right now. I have a condition called PCOS, you can read more about it by clicking the link. I have seen many doctors, been to a dozens of appointments, had blood taken more times than my veins would like, had an ultrasound and a MRI, and have tried some fertility medication. So far, everything we have tried has failed.
It is incredibly heartbreaking, discouraging and depressing. It leaves me feeling helpless and hopeless. Each treatment that fails is one step closer to a reality that I may never have my own children. I am not writing this because I want people to feel sorry for me, but I would appreciate as many prayers as I can get! I have a second blog, an infertilty blog, and through it I have met an amazing community of woman. There I have found support, encouragement, and I have learnt alot. We cry together, and we rejoice together. I can relate to them, because they have been through alot of the things I have been, and more.
One friend has on her blog intro "My husband and I have been blessed with the challenge of infertility". I have really tried to see it that way, but it is hard. Most days it feels more like a curse. It is especially hard when you see a lot of people getting what you want, and taking it for granted. If I have learned anything from this, it is that I will appreciate every single part of being pregnant and having babies. I may not be a better mother than one who is fertile, but I will sure appreciate it more. I will try to focus on the positives. I know God has a plan for me, for all of this, and I am very eager to find out what that is! I mean, VERY eager.
And I know this topic is taboo. I am not going to get into all the details right now. I have a condition called PCOS, you can read more about it by clicking the link. I have seen many doctors, been to a dozens of appointments, had blood taken more times than my veins would like, had an ultrasound and a MRI, and have tried some fertility medication. So far, everything we have tried has failed.
It is incredibly heartbreaking, discouraging and depressing. It leaves me feeling helpless and hopeless. Each treatment that fails is one step closer to a reality that I may never have my own children. I am not writing this because I want people to feel sorry for me, but I would appreciate as many prayers as I can get! I have a second blog, an infertilty blog, and through it I have met an amazing community of woman. There I have found support, encouragement, and I have learnt alot. We cry together, and we rejoice together. I can relate to them, because they have been through alot of the things I have been, and more.
One friend has on her blog intro "My husband and I have been blessed with the challenge of infertility". I have really tried to see it that way, but it is hard. Most days it feels more like a curse. It is especially hard when you see a lot of people getting what you want, and taking it for granted. If I have learned anything from this, it is that I will appreciate every single part of being pregnant and having babies. I may not be a better mother than one who is fertile, but I will sure appreciate it more. I will try to focus on the positives. I know God has a plan for me, for all of this, and I am very eager to find out what that is! I mean, VERY eager.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sunny Days
I thoroughly enjoyed the warm weather this weekend! It was the youth slave auction on Saturday, so we hired a slave for half a day. We got a lot of work done outside. I used a tractor for the first time to clean up my shelter for my horses. It was so fun! I loved driving that little John Deere! I love doing work like that. I love being a farmer!
I also used a quad to drag my pasture to spread out the crap. We had a diamond harrow upside down with some rocks on it. It worked quite well, but the rocks fell off all the time. One of the rocks was quite large. I had lifted it on a few times, but the fourth time I lifted it, I decided to use my legs more. And of course I pulled a muscle in my back! Many of my plans for the day were ruined after that. Having a sore back really puts a person out. You don't realize how bad it is until it happens to you! But I still managed to enjoy being outside a bit after that. I am really h0ping that there will be many nice sunny days this summer, to make up for last!
I also used a quad to drag my pasture to spread out the crap. We had a diamond harrow upside down with some rocks on it. It worked quite well, but the rocks fell off all the time. One of the rocks was quite large. I had lifted it on a few times, but the fourth time I lifted it, I decided to use my legs more. And of course I pulled a muscle in my back! Many of my plans for the day were ruined after that. Having a sore back really puts a person out. You don't realize how bad it is until it happens to you! But I still managed to enjoy being outside a bit after that. I am really h0ping that there will be many nice sunny days this summer, to make up for last!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
31 Cats
I know I keep talking about news stories, but I just can't get over the negativity of people. And how unrealistic and angry people can get.
So there is this woman with 31 cats. You can read her story here. Again, people are all fired up about this, cause the bylaw says you can have 3 cats, but she is allowed 31. All of these cats are fixed, healthy and well taken care of. Her house does not stink, nor do these animal roam around on the streets.
So why do people care if she is allowed to keep them? What do the "haters" think should be done with the extras? Do they know how hard it is to adopt out cats, which is the reason why this woman has so many? She IS trying to find homes for them! The only two options she has is keeping them, or she has them put to sleep. Do these people really think the latter is the better option?
Back off people. This woman is doing a good thing.
Let's send all this negativity toward the people who are adding to the overpopulation of cats by not getting them fixed, dumping them off like garbage, or abusing them!
I would like to write an article on how OUTRAGEOUS all these haters are being. Grow up. Let people live their own lives. Especially if it in no way affects your own.
So there is this woman with 31 cats. You can read her story here. Again, people are all fired up about this, cause the bylaw says you can have 3 cats, but she is allowed 31. All of these cats are fixed, healthy and well taken care of. Her house does not stink, nor do these animal roam around on the streets.
So why do people care if she is allowed to keep them? What do the "haters" think should be done with the extras? Do they know how hard it is to adopt out cats, which is the reason why this woman has so many? She IS trying to find homes for them! The only two options she has is keeping them, or she has them put to sleep. Do these people really think the latter is the better option?
Back off people. This woman is doing a good thing.
Let's send all this negativity toward the people who are adding to the overpopulation of cats by not getting them fixed, dumping them off like garbage, or abusing them!
I would like to write an article on how OUTRAGEOUS all these haters are being. Grow up. Let people live their own lives. Especially if it in no way affects your own.
Sponsered Wedding
The last couple of days there has been a lot of buzz about the couple from Winnipeg who are attempting to have a sponsored wedding. If you have not read the artile, here it is.
I cannot believe how worked up people are about this. They are calling them pathetic, cheap, no morals, etc. Like, are you serious people? You are probably just jealous because you didn't think of it first. I find nothing wrong with trying to have an all sponsored wedding! If you can find people to give you stuff for free, than good on you! Go for it! I don't understand why this is so pathetic?
And saying they have no morals? Are you SERIOUS? "You" don't care about being bombarded with blatant sexual images in the media all day long, but "you" have a problem with a good Christian couple just trying to get married for free? Wow. Not that it is a surprise to me, but people just don't realize how bad the world is getting.
The part of the article that got me was "The pair, both evangelical Christians, are living separately until their wedding." I wonder why they decided to include that fact? It is really such a big shock that they are not going to live together for 5 years before they get married? Like it is wrong to live separately until you are married. Little do they know how much a marriage can thrive if some things are saved for after the wedding!
What do you think? I seriously don't understand why people are so worked up about it. Why does everyone think it is so bad?
I cannot believe how worked up people are about this. They are calling them pathetic, cheap, no morals, etc. Like, are you serious people? You are probably just jealous because you didn't think of it first. I find nothing wrong with trying to have an all sponsored wedding! If you can find people to give you stuff for free, than good on you! Go for it! I don't understand why this is so pathetic?
And saying they have no morals? Are you SERIOUS? "You" don't care about being bombarded with blatant sexual images in the media all day long, but "you" have a problem with a good Christian couple just trying to get married for free? Wow. Not that it is a surprise to me, but people just don't realize how bad the world is getting.
The part of the article that got me was "The pair, both evangelical Christians, are living separately until their wedding." I wonder why they decided to include that fact? It is really such a big shock that they are not going to live together for 5 years before they get married? Like it is wrong to live separately until you are married. Little do they know how much a marriage can thrive if some things are saved for after the wedding!
What do you think? I seriously don't understand why people are so worked up about it. Why does everyone think it is so bad?
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Offering
Does your church sit and sing during offering? If so, why is that? I would really prefer to stand, it makes singing and worshiping easier. When we sit down I feel like the worship time is over. Is there a good reason why we can't stand?
Some of the answers I have heard are that we sit because we have already been standing for so long or that it is easier to get your offering out of your purse if you are sitting. But if an extra 3 minutes of standing is too much to bear, than by all means, take a seat. And I would also argue that if your offering is in your pocket, it is easier to get it out if you are standing.
In the past our church has has just a piano playing during offering, so it makes sense then to sit down. But if the worship team is still up there and wanting us to sing along with them, I think that we should stay standing.
I know I could just stay standing if I wanted to. I also know there are probably bigger issues in this world to worry about. But I would just like to know the reasoning behind this!
Some of the answers I have heard are that we sit because we have already been standing for so long or that it is easier to get your offering out of your purse if you are sitting. But if an extra 3 minutes of standing is too much to bear, than by all means, take a seat. And I would also argue that if your offering is in your pocket, it is easier to get it out if you are standing.
In the past our church has has just a piano playing during offering, so it makes sense then to sit down. But if the worship team is still up there and wanting us to sing along with them, I think that we should stay standing.
I know I could just stay standing if I wanted to. I also know there are probably bigger issues in this world to worry about. But I would just like to know the reasoning behind this!
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Lent Fail
I failed lent. Not like it is a test or anything, I just failed my self. I bought tonnes of candy. And I went on Facebook on days other than Sunday, especially the last week. I pretty much gave up the last week. I didn't use my spare time to spend in with God like I wanted to. I did notice that I spend a whole lot less time on the internet in general, and got a lot more done. So that is good!
As for the candy thing, I didn't buy nearly as much as I usually do. But when I had a rough day, I would treat myself. And it makes me feel so much better. It seriously makes me calm down and feel better! I am quite sure I am additcted to sugar. Researchers recently proved that sugar and fatty foods can be just as addicting as drugs. Great. Now I need some rehab. I know I need to stop.... but I just can't....
As for the candy thing, I didn't buy nearly as much as I usually do. But when I had a rough day, I would treat myself. And it makes me feel so much better. It seriously makes me calm down and feel better! I am quite sure I am additcted to sugar. Researchers recently proved that sugar and fatty foods can be just as addicting as drugs. Great. Now I need some rehab. I know I need to stop.... but I just can't....
Monday, April 05, 2010
Ummm, NO!?!?!
An old lady just walked into the clinic minutes ago. She has just lost her purse somewhere in Gimli and she had no way to get back to Winnipeg Beach. She said that her sister brings her dog to the clinic, so she was wondering if she would be able to give me an IOU for some cash so she could take a taxi home.
Seriously?
You want me to just hand you some cash that is not my own? Even though I don't know you and you have never been a client here? I mean, I feel bad that you lost your purse and all, but I don't have the authority for that.
So I just told her "Sorry, I cannot do that" and her jaw dropped in shock, "WHAT? Why not?". So I told her again "Sorry, I cannot do that" and she left, dissapointed.
Can you imagine doing that? Walking into a place you have never been a customer at and asking them to fork over some cash so you can take a taxi home? I would at least ask to use the phone and call some family or a neighbor or something. Or even get the taxi to drive me home then go inside and get the money. Something is really fishy about that story to me! What a great end to the day. I am still laughing about it! :)
Seriously?
You want me to just hand you some cash that is not my own? Even though I don't know you and you have never been a client here? I mean, I feel bad that you lost your purse and all, but I don't have the authority for that.
So I just told her "Sorry, I cannot do that" and her jaw dropped in shock, "WHAT? Why not?". So I told her again "Sorry, I cannot do that" and she left, dissapointed.
Can you imagine doing that? Walking into a place you have never been a customer at and asking them to fork over some cash so you can take a taxi home? I would at least ask to use the phone and call some family or a neighbor or something. Or even get the taxi to drive me home then go inside and get the money. Something is really fishy about that story to me! What a great end to the day. I am still laughing about it! :)
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Fitness
It seems fitting to start this new open and honest blog with what I have been doing in LOTS of my spare time for the last few weeks!
I wanted to keep it a secret until the end of our 90 days, but I have already told so many people! Eric and I just completed Day 43 of P90X. For those of you that have never heard of it, it is an "extreme home fitness program" as they like to say. It is definitely kicking out butts. Some days we have to force ourselves to get started, some days I look forward to it, and a few times we have talked ourselves out of doing it. We don't plan to repeat the latter to often, but sometimes we are just too tired or just run out of time in the day and we don't want to work out until 1 in the morning!
So far, I can tell Eric has real results, and he has lost some weight. But I cannot tell on myself. And I have only lost about 3 or 4 lbs. But I feel better. My shoulder doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I can push myself harder during the workouts. I am not tired during the warm up anymore.
It has been a major blessing to be able to work out together. It is way better than trying to do it on your own. I HIGHLY recommend it to everyone. Working out with a partner, especially your spouse, is awesome! We motivate each other. Sometimes one of us doesn't want to work out, but the other does. Sometimes we both don't want to, but we press play anyways because we know we will feel bad about it later.
I think working out needs to be a way of life. Not just something I do for 90 days than give up. I have found that if you make working our a priority, you will find time to do it, even without missing out on anything. The only thing I miss out on is watching TV or going on the internet, which is probably a good thing!
Which is why I am working towards becoming a fitness instructor. I would love to do TurboKick (like Turbo Jam). Jay is helping me work towards that goal! I should be able to start teaching classses by the fall! I cannot think of any better motivation than to be the instructor of a class and have to be there! And make some money while doing it!
I wanted to keep it a secret until the end of our 90 days, but I have already told so many people! Eric and I just completed Day 43 of P90X. For those of you that have never heard of it, it is an "extreme home fitness program" as they like to say. It is definitely kicking out butts. Some days we have to force ourselves to get started, some days I look forward to it, and a few times we have talked ourselves out of doing it. We don't plan to repeat the latter to often, but sometimes we are just too tired or just run out of time in the day and we don't want to work out until 1 in the morning!
So far, I can tell Eric has real results, and he has lost some weight. But I cannot tell on myself. And I have only lost about 3 or 4 lbs. But I feel better. My shoulder doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I can push myself harder during the workouts. I am not tired during the warm up anymore.
It has been a major blessing to be able to work out together. It is way better than trying to do it on your own. I HIGHLY recommend it to everyone. Working out with a partner, especially your spouse, is awesome! We motivate each other. Sometimes one of us doesn't want to work out, but the other does. Sometimes we both don't want to, but we press play anyways because we know we will feel bad about it later.
I think working out needs to be a way of life. Not just something I do for 90 days than give up. I have found that if you make working our a priority, you will find time to do it, even without missing out on anything. The only thing I miss out on is watching TV or going on the internet, which is probably a good thing!
Which is why I am working towards becoming a fitness instructor. I would love to do TurboKick (like Turbo Jam). Jay is helping me work towards that goal! I should be able to start teaching classses by the fall! I cannot think of any better motivation than to be the instructor of a class and have to be there! And make some money while doing it!
Friday, April 02, 2010
De-Lurking Time!
I just changed my setting to allow anonymous comments again! So now it is delurking time!
SO... if you are reading this right now, please comment and say hello! I would love to know who you are! Don't be shy!
I installed one of those traffic counters a couple weeks ago, and I am suprised how much traffic I have on here! Now I would just love to know who you are!
I will have a real, honest post coming soon. I promise!
SO... if you are reading this right now, please comment and say hello! I would love to know who you are! Don't be shy!
I installed one of those traffic counters a couple weeks ago, and I am suprised how much traffic I have on here! Now I would just love to know who you are!
I will have a real, honest post coming soon. I promise!
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